It’s been a rough couple weeks for me. The holidays threw my routine for a loop and getting back into the groove of things has been less than a walk in the park. I’ve been feeling defeated, lacking motivation and struggling with knowing what my next move is and where I should be going.
But this is normal for me. It’s lasted a little longer than I’m used to, but I’m used to this space. The uncertainty, the insecurities creeping up, telling me those dark, painful thoughts of “I’m not good enough.”
And last night, I broke. All that chaos, all that negativity came pouring out in the form of tears and a full body collapse. I could barely hold myself upright. It was painful, it was scary, all the feelings I’d been harboring inside just exploded from within me.
But ya know what? It. Felt. So. Good.
Sometimes we need it. Sometimes we need those moments of complete and utter emotional catastrophe to rid ourselves of that chaos, or the negativity. Because that makes room again for adjusted thoughts, it makes room for us to breathe and see things just a little bit clearer.
I like to think of it as a little reset button.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone breakdowns in order to change your frame of mind or as a way to excuse behavior. Don’t force them. Don’t seek them. Simply just alter the way you view them when they happen. If you can look at an emotional collapse as a way to purge, grieve and let go, then when you’re done you can approach life just a little differently. Maybe the next day you speak to yourself just a little bit kinder, you focus on your health just a little bit more, or you challenge yourself to accept being exactly where you are. In this moment.
It’s okay to feel out of control. Because usually it reminds us of those little things we do have control over – our time, our space, our reactions.
Allow yourself to break open when you need it. Allow yourself to be.
You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.